I don't think I can articulate all the thoughts and feelings I've experienced as a result of my new title, "madam", but I will give it a try.
"Madam" is a standard form of address here. I am "madam" to shopkeepers, anyone in the service industry, our driver, our friend's nanny who I see almost every day and spend more time with than anyone else, and our house help. I get to call those I know by their first names. But they won't/wouldn't use mine. I call our driver, Raju, "sir" sometimes, as a joke. He thinks it's pretty funny.
It sounds enviable, doesn't it? Being deferred to on all matters. Having household help.
I am grateful for many aspects. Grateful for all the help when we hosted a party for 20+ adults and 19+ kids on Sunday. Grateful for the cultural and language assistance when trying to complete a transaction, pay a bill, etc.
But mostly I feel a little isolated by the title.
Sometimes just awkward. No, I really don't need someone to carry my shopping basket down the stairs (it has 2 items in it). I can, and like to, push my own stroller with my kids in it. I'm not sure when to insist that I'd really rather do something on my own and when to accept the help offered, so as not to offend. Still learning this dance.
I'd rather work side by side than always be the boss. I think I've started to establish a tone more like this in our home, I hope. I want to be myself, be genuine, be gracious... and yet not be taken advantage of.
It's been a bit dismaying to realize that making requests is not a culturally significant way of communicating; they're tantamount to kind suggestions and promptly disregarded. I don't want to be demanding. I am trying to find a way of expressing myself with an appropriate degree of firmness that preserves who I am and yet articulates clearly what I need. And perhaps it's having to articulate my needs that is the hardest part. It's a weakness for me in general. What an opportunity for growth, hmmm?, finding myself in a place where I have more needs than before and am more deeply dependent on others! I smile at God's creativity.
Yours truly,
Lisa
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2 comments:
Lisa, you write so well! I can't imagine the difficulty of learning a lesson that is hard in your native culture, let alone in a foreign one. I too struggle with making my needs known (if, how, when to etc.). Sometimes I'm even confused by what a need is. I admire your conscious effort in learning how to be you/who you are in a new world.
I love you Sis!
Thanks for reading, El. I think sometimes it's easier to be stretched in a new setting--it's an opportunity to re-create yourself if you want. :) Maybe I'll be high-maintenance Lisa here. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I can't wait to share our world with you! I have a friend to take us fabric shopping.
Love YOU!
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